I really thought that 2015 was going to be my healthy year.  I’m eating clean (most of the time), working out, drinking water like it’s my job and limiting my wine to one day per week.  I’m working hard to turn my body into a lean, mean, fighting machine.

Then it hits me…a headache.  Not just any headache, but a massive headache at the exact same time every single day.  It isn’t like any headache I’ve ever had.  It starts in the evening, as soon as I sit down to relax.  First comes the extreme pressure in my ears followed by a headache so bad that I feel sick to my stomach.  The only relief that I get is if I get up and move around.  It lasts until about 11:30 every night, and then it just disappears.

I finally decide to stop procrastinating and go to the doctor.  Well, it was time for my six month blood work so I couldn’t exactly put it off any longer.  During my visit, my PCP determines that my resting heart rate is higher than my active heart rate should be.  He decides that putting me on Metoprolol will help with both my heart rate and my headache….he was wrong.  But more on that in a minute.

Then come my labs.  The worst part about Electronic Medical Records is having access to test results prior to your doctor explaining them to you.  Even worse is when you work in the medical field and are able to look up everything pertaining to your lab results prior to your provider explaining them to you.  Suffice to say, my labs weren’t great.  This caused me to dig even further and compare my most recent labs to the ones I had prior to and immediately following my hysterectomy.  Which weren’t great either.  And as long as I was digging, I decided to read my pathology report from my hysterectomy, again not great.  In fact pretty bad.  I will spare the details of my pathology report.  But I will say that I can now add Cervical and Ovarian Cancer to my health history.

But I digress.  The reasons for venting today are my labs and my head.  So, back to my labs.  The most concerning part of my labs is that my liver enzymes are elevated.  My PCP decided that it was time that I see a Gastroenterologist for my liver and a Neurologist for my head.

First the visit with the gastro.  I went to see him yesterday.  We talked for a long time about my health history and how I was feeling currently.  He did an exam and then we talked some more.  I really felt comfortable with the fact that he didn’t rush anything.  He listened and asked great questions. Plus he had a sense of humor.  We joked about a sign in the exam room for hemorrhoid removal and decided that if assholes could be removed in the same way that the world would be a better place :).  After all of that he said that my liver enzymes weren’t that high for a “normal” person.  But that because of my history of cancer, I’m not normal.  He ordered more labs and an ultrasound of my liver.  Then he sent me on my merry way with my orders for my labs.

So, last night I am sitting here with my laptop and my orders for my labs…Did I mention that I bill insurance?  Did I mention that being armed with access to medical coding and the internet is a slippery slope that you don’t want to go on?  Did I take my own advice?  NOPE!  I went down that slope.  I know that tomorrow morning they will be drawing my blood and testing me for an Iron Deficiency, Hepatitis (he said that this is because I have a tattoo), Lupus, and Wilson Disease (Jon asked if Wilson Disease explains why I suck at basketball and volleyball.  Oh how I love that man ♥).

Once my blood is drawn, I wait for two long weeks for my ultrasound and my lab results.  Two weeks thanks to the hoops that doctors now have to jump through just to get my insurance company to authorize my ultrasound.  Two weeks of wondering and worrying.  Because even though I don’t want to worry, it is part of my DNA and I can’t stop.

In the meantime, my head still hurts every single day.  But that wait is even longer.  The Neurologist that my PCP wants me to see can’t see me until May.  And I don’t want to see that Neurologist.  I don’t want to trust my head to someone who has horrible reviews on Health Grades.  It’s my head.  I should be able to see someone who I feel comfortable with.  No, I will see someone who I feel comfortable with.  And I will see them before May.  I know how to get that referral changed.  (Again, do you know what my job is?)

But as all of this is going on, I keep thinking about how much I hate this.  I hate being sick.  I hate feeling like a burden to those I love.  I hate asking for help.  I hate all of the poking and prodding and testing.  IT ALL SUCKS!!! At what point am I allowed to say ENOUGH!  I what point can I stop being poked and prodded and tested and just live my life?  I don’t want to do it anymore.  I just want to be healthy.  I want to focus on Dillon’s graduation. Is that really too much to ask?